Sometimes i just wanna fly…away.

Posted in random thoughts by nam on December 31, 2008

As the year comes to a close, i come to realize that…i thought nothing could be as bad as 2007. Well whadayaknoe. I mean sure there were some highlights, like my album release party, my trip back to the homeland and we have a black man as President….uhh…well thats all i can remember. Oh yea and Bush got a shoe thrown at him.

The economy is in a ditch full of bullshit (“the political is personal, you suckas should know”), the middle east is still fucked up probably more than its ever been, our brothers and sisters are still overseas for no reason, urban youth are droppin like flies, Soulja Boy still makes “music”, and I’ve been unemployed for 5 months now, and im sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I usually have no regrets…but its hard for me to not have any nowadays. Im 23 and can barely take care of myself and Ive been broke more times than me and moms arguing over dumb shit. Maybe i should’ve tried harder in school, maybe i should’ve saved that extra cash, maybe i should’ve stayed in college and have a slightly higher chance of finding income. Ive done probably 4 shows at most since the release in June, only one of which i gotten paid for. I’ve given away more copies of my album than I have sold that i had originally intended, and it seems like there’s not much more that i can do, without having to add money into the equation. But I aint ever gonna dumb it down. I’d rather quit this music shit all together…which i have thought of many times this year.

The holidays aint what it used to be, like when my parents were still together. Those were fun times. But in the past 5 years, i cant even remember the past 4. Family just doesnt fit in my description anymore. All my friends are growing up, getting married, having kids, and i wonder…what would’ve happened if i never hung out with folks older than me? Would i still be as frustrated, stressed and lonely as i am now? I miss my friends, i miss how it used to be. But like Jay(Hova) said, “in order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets”.

I notice that i let too many sistas be “the one that got away”. Or, always meeting the right one, at the wrong time. Now i aint gonna be all boohoo about being single for the last 5 years, but we all can agree, that life is harder when you’re always by yourself. Maybe i should’ve called her more often, maybe i should’ve stuck around, maybe i should’ve said something. But its done, and done.

So what can i expect from the next 365 days? Well, i hope for the best…of course. Just keep on keepin on. They say, “2009 will be better, dont worry”…and as much as a wanna believe that, that’s what i was convinced to believe before the start of 2008.

…surprise me.

Happy New Year.

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2 Responses

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  1. My said, on February 26, 2009 at 7:57 am

    *hugs*

  2. buciiibaby said, on March 5, 2009 at 1:18 am

    “Keep your head up” – 2Pac


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